Tuesday, April 22, 2003

107th Boston Marathon

At 3:22:03 PM, Jennifer Finished

Pace: 0:07:16
Official Finish Time: 3:16:19
Chip Finish Time: 3:10:36


"If you could change anything in your life would you?" asked the girl....
"No, I wouldn't, I wouldn't change a thing." replied her friend.
"...not one thing? not just one single thing?, the girl asked again.
"You can't change one thing without changing everything."

Thursday, April 17, 2003


A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds
attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged
and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to
be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat
jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Updated Employee Handbook - Effective Immediately

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go From 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.


Wednesday, April 16, 2003

AQUARIUS - Sign of the Water Bearer

Because the person in the Aquarian symbol is shown pouring liquid from a jug, some people conclude that Aquarius must be a water sign. In fact though, the water is symbolic, representing nectar drawn from the fountain of inner wisdom. Aquarius is an air sign. It's mission, and therefore yours is to enlighten and inform.

What makes an Aquarian tick?

Most people form their opinions from a 'gut reaction'. First they 'feel' something, then they rationalise their experience. For Aquarians, this process works in reverse. Thus, most of the time, these people are cool and level headed. Their feelings are strong and deep, but it takes a lot to stir them up. They reserve their tears and temper for the defence of a utopian vision. Each Aquarian longs to make the world a better place. As few people understand this sort of motivation, Aquarians are often thought of as unpredictable, eccentric or just plain odd! Their ability to swing from laughter to stern sobriety at a moments notice doesn't help either! Their ruling planet is Uranus. Prior to the discovery of this planet, Aquarians were ruled by Saturn.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003



Jules is in the house
Jules is Addictive
Jules is playing on TV
Jules is awesome
Jules is bright, fresh and minimal
Jules is a former Elite model
Jules is not someone you forget
Jules is the aristocrat of the Bear Noels
Jules is seemingly maturing
Jules is massive
Jules is a musician and damn fine singer songwriter
Jules is exceptionally affectionate
Jules is full of hope and joy
Jules is very strong, and full of good-spirits
Jules is wise
Jules is still quite anxious
Jules is a nickname for Souleymane
Jules is Wild On Key West
Jules is the hottest spot to hit downtown
Jules is a registered Psychiatric Nurse
Jules is a handsome New Zealand bunny
Jules is a very good friend of mine
Jules is getting bigger
Jules is just about uncontrollable
Jules is head over heels in love
Jules is available by telephone or email for hourly sessions
Jules is truly an icon
Jules is only a century old
Jules is on a local semi-pro women's soccer team
Jules is set to continue the party
Jules is at a loss
Jules is a tall sexy beautiful brunette vixen
Jules is as ruthless as her father
Jules is a real person who is an Independent Business Woman
Jules is an outdoor enthusiast



Shelley is dead. long live Shelley Shelley is dead. Shelley is a.... Swan. Shelley is a modest but necessary attempt to assure a healthy classroom environment for California's school children. Shelley is lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a few gizmos and looking pissed off. Shelley is often thought of as the quintessential Romantic poet. Shelley is no exception to the rule. Shelley is "a man of genius". Shelley is unnecessarily cruel. Shelley is such a good girl. ... Shelley is *not* shy or timid -- she's just quiet. Shelley is a living example of how the human spirit can never be defeated. Shelley is a Trademark of Heidelberger Druckmaschinen. Shelley is bright, articulate, and a dedicated public servant. Shelley is a project characterized by the perverse determination to continue to produce art with no guarantee of ever finding an audience. Shelley is resting comfortably and the doctors are pleased with the results of the transplant. Shelley is a highly detailed, meticulous worker. Shelley is condescending because he does not entirely understand the plight of the working class. Shelley is a fervent supporter of the no-hour week.

Shelley is clearly drawing a simile between some mental process and
the workings of nature, but what, exactly, is the mental process?



Im fucking serious Sean is destroying the boards.

Zembla: Sean is slightly famouser.

Sean is taking over.

Sean is penolope keith's son.

Sean is dead rumour.

Sean is correct.

what Sean is/is not.

Sean is a communications consultant.

Monday, April 14, 2003



This won't work unless Kyra is installed

Kyra is overcome by chilling sensations and feels
one of the men take control of her body and mind.

Having run away from New Orleans, and enduring a dusty journey on Mr.
Pips, a loyal mule, Kyra is more than ready to see Cliff again.

Kyra is a very playful, loving and loyal dog.

Kyra is a bastard child, fostered by her father, a King
of a small but prosperous country, along with her sister Lady Ashton.

As it turns out, Jesse is no ordinary child,
and Kyra is no ordinary mother.

Kyra is a disabled three-year-old whose low motor skills, limited
speech,and partial hearing loss make talking-even gesturing-difficult.

Kyra is tired of being dumped so she decides that she needs a change.

Kyra is puzzled by Michael's sudden interest and isn't sure if it's her
or her new look.

Kyra is the actual Boss of the ferrets, and makes sure they all know it.

We heard that the coloring of Kyra is called a turtle-skin-color.

Kyra is a woman in a rut.

Kyra is a young, dynamic, London-based gospel choir that includes up to
25 members who are mostly of Caribbean origin which helps give them a musical flavour.


Kim is a baby rattling the sides of a cot.
Kim Is the Key Danger.
Kim is your pal.
Kim is accompanied by her husband, flamenco-inspired guitarist Josef "The Wild Hungarian" Gault
Kim is No.1.
Kim is in for the long haul.
Does anyone know where Kim is?
Kim has trained with some of the world's most prominent Sedation Dental Specialists.
Kim is there.
Kim is hoping.
Kim is out.
Kim is the shaggy dog.
Kim is always thrilling!


Regan is a winner with whitecaps.
Regan is spontaneously funny as well as being a great stand-up.
Regan is ensconced in her bedroom, tied to her bed so she can't harm herself.
Who is o'regan?
Regan is out of touch with reality.
Regan is a traitor.
Regan is almost like Jim Carrey.
Regan is dismissive of the notion that psychedelic drugs can provide genuine mystical illumination.
Regan is definitly the Snake in this Garden.
Regan is an expert in American literature of the 19th century.
Regan is small, blonde, and witty. She has little brown eyes, a pug nose, and tiny lips.
Regan is one of the nation's leading magazine photographers.
Regan is hypnotized and gets angry.
Regan is being exorcised.
Regan is congenial, humble, and warm-hearted.
Regan is lukewarm at best.
Regan is using the wonder weed.
Regan is licensed to practice before the Supreme Court of Missouri.
Regan is located fifteen miles south of Bargetto Winery in the Corralitos area of southern Santa Cruz County.
Regan is an internationally acclaimed painter with a far reaching vision.
Regan is Britain's premier authority on military disasters.
Regan is also a pioneer in recording the electrical activity of the human brain.