Wednesday, May 28, 2003


A six year old has a crush on me

and she leaves these adorable little crayon drawings outside my apartment door. If we pass each other on the building stairs she does this little startled freeze-crouch thing, like she's going to run away or jump but can't decide which. I think this city would be so much cooler if everybody who had crushes adopted the freeze-crouch as a way of letting their crush know.

I'd be happy being single, except for one thing...


If there's one kind of food I love the most, it's bread. Sweet buttermilk, sourdough, bread with stuff in it, bread with stuff on it...bread. And while processed, preservative-laden Wonderbread has a starchy charm all its own, the best bread is the snobby artisan varieties. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the rosemary bread from Whole Foods is my favorite bread in the city. Mmmmm.

So why does rosemary bread make me sad about being single? It's because even though I make a conscious effort to finish it, I always end up throwing away part of the loaf. There's only so much bread a single girl can consume in the few fleeting days before it goes fuzzy. Don't lecture me about freezing half the loaf, mom. That ruins the texture and I will not even consider it.

Maybe one day I will find someone to help me finish my loaves in a timely manner.

was he a pirate?

Hey, guys, could use your advice about this. I was dating this guy for a few weeks, but it always felt like something was just a little "off." I finally broke it off with him, but I felt bad doing it.

After discussing it with some co-workers, they suggested that he might have been a pirate. All of a sudden it became clear: the eye-patch, the wooden leg, the way he always had that giant parrot perched on his shoulder. I realized every time he'd kiss me goodnight he would wink and then whisper, "Arrrrr, matey! I had a great time tonight!" His recurring struggle with rickets was troubling to me, too. And during our break-up talk, he became upset and yelled "Avast ye, wench!" and covered his teary eyes with a dirty, red and white striped handkerchief.

What do you think? Was I dating a pirate?

Superglue Lesbian

You had stopped the bleeding. I have no idea how you got that deep gash on your thumb, it made me queasy but what you did next strangely aroused me! You pulled a tube of superglue from your bag and applied it directly. You pinched the wound shut and blew on it for a moment. Then as if it had not bothered you for a second you fished a tin of lipbalm from your pocket and smoothed your lips. I can't believe you didn't notice me starring at you. You were tall and somewhat boyish, but with an incredibly feminine face and porcelin skin. It gnaws at me, why did you have superglue in your bag? I've spent all morning speculating about it's other contents, filterless cigarretes, mascara, a leatherman tool! I imagine you as a younge girl scout, chopping wood under the direction of some grizzled old woman in a green polyeseter uniform. I have no doubt that if your arm was trapped in the closing subway door, you could amputate it to survive using nothing but perhaps a tampon string, like some kind of lesbian MacGyver (without the mullet, are you too good to be true?) In my mind we've already had our first date, after dinner you rewire my entertainment system and then give me a facial.

I saw you at Popeyes

I saw you at Popeyes.
You had some sexy thighs
You lookded really nice.
You ate some beans and rice.
I smiled but you missed it.
You was eatin a biscuit.
I wish you would've saw,
but you was eatin cole slaw,
and lookin out the winder'
and eatin a chicken tender.
We different social status,
But both like mashed potatas.
I'll be there tomorrow night,
the dude with a two-piece white.


seeking man named Sergio

Is your name Sergio? My fiancé, Sergio, broke up with me and I have a huge tattoo of his name on my back. It is too expensive and painful to remove, so I am looking to fall in love with another Sergio. Please make sure that your name is spelled S-E-R-G-I-O.

The tattoo is very tasteful and beautiful. I know you will like it.

Attention World: I look hot today

Yes, it's true. I look really hot today, much hotter than my usual cute self. I have soared about the 80th percentile of cuteness where I usally reside, to the heights of hotness. It's gone well from the time I got up (a little early), and I have to say that I have only gotten hotter as the day has progressed. My skin is brighter, my hair more lustrous, and, dare I say it, my already fine-sized breasts seem to have increased in size over night. Do not be afraid to stare. I am hot.

Should you care to ask me out when you see me around today (which you will), please do not be disappointed when in a few days we meet for drinks and I have returned to my old self. My personality, I assure you, is still pretty fucking amazing.

Nice guy seeks tolerant woman (under 35)

I smoke. I do drugs. I drink. I have more infidelities than Clinton. I'm more fiscally irresponsible than Bush. I'm more absentminded than Reagan. I'm a bitch in the morning. I'm a nuisance at night. I brag about my shortcomings. I deny my talents. I'm paranoid. I'm insecure. I'm neurotic. I'm vulgar for the fun of it. I dish it out, but I can't take it. I won't try new things and I'll accuse you of the same. I'm still not over my last relationship. I'll fall in and out of love too quickly. I'll dislike your friends for what I'll assume you'll tell them. I'll hate your family for what they did to you. I'll want to sleep with your sister (but I probably won't). I despise children. I'll harbor a secret jealousy towards every man you ever meet (but I'll never show it, and THAT'S the maddening part). I'll coax you into trying things you don't want to do. I'll disappear for days without calling. I'll make promises I never intend to keep. I'll lie about where I was last night. I'll hint that maybe I'm gay. I'll take on strange obsessions then, months later, deny that I ever much cared. I'll expect sympathy, but never offer any. I'll frustrate you by never living up to my potential. I'll overexaggerate my potential. I'll scorn your ambition. I'll go out with friends and "forget" to invite you. I'll make inappropriate comments to your co-workers. I'll expect things that you can't possibly provide. I'll spoil myself, then tell you I'm broke. I'll hate your pets. I'll laugh at your heroes. I'll go out of my way to prove that you're wrong, then act like it's no big deal when I am.

Unfortunately for you, ladies, all in all I'm really not a bad catch.

Blonde girl with star tatoo in my bed this morning

Where did you come from? Did we have sex?

Please contact me.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Meditation Shown to Light Up Brains of Buddhists

Wed May 21, 2003 02:47 PM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Buddhists really are happy, calm and serene people -- at least according to their brain scans.

Using new scanning techniques, neuroscientists have discovered that certain areas of the brain light up constantly in Buddhists, which indicates positive emotions and good mood. This happens at times even when they are not meditating.

"We can now hypothesize with some confidence that those apparently happy, calm Buddhist souls one regularly comes across in places such as Dharamsala, India, really are happy," Professor Owen Flanagan, of Duke University in North Carolina, said Wednesday.

Dharamsala is the home base of exiled Tibetan leader the Dalai Lama.

The scanning studies by scientists at the University of Wisconsin at Madison showed activity in the left prefrontal lobes of experienced Buddhist practitioners. The area is linked to positive emotions, self-control and temperament.

Other research by Paul Ekman, of the University of California San Francisco Medical Center, suggests that meditation and mindfulness can tame the amygdala, an area of the brain which is the hub of fear memory.

Ekman discovered that experienced Buddhists were less likely to be shocked, flustered, surprised or as angry as other people.

Flanagan believes that if the findings of the studies can be confirmed they could be of major importance.

"The most reasonable hypothesis is that there is something about conscientious Buddhist practice that results in the kind of happiness we all seek," Flanagan said in a report in New Scientist magazine.
Aquarius Horoscope for week of May 22, 2003

You're entering puberty again! Congrats! It'll be on a higher octave than last time, so you'll have more savvy to deal
with the hormonal rush. To facilitate this unpredictable foray into serious goofiness, I'm happy to present you with
the wisdom of sixth grade girls I know, gleaned from sayings they've scrawled on their backpacks and binders. Enjoy.

Understand the groove. Learn as if you'll live forever. Explain yourself wildly, not carefully. Wake up -- but not too fast,
or you might hurt yourself. Question authority, including the authority that told you to question authority.
It's all so funny -- how can you not be laughing? When you shout "halaluya," never spell it right.
Live the freakiest truth. Give me chocolate or I'll scream.

...for my virgo friends....

Virgo Horoscope for week of May 22, 2003

Your sense of mission should be heating up, Virgo. Your tribe needs you more than usual.
Your potential is ripening at the same time it is becoming most useful to your cohorts.
But wait: That doesn't mean your path will be effortless in the coming weeks.
There will be adversaries and agents of confusion you'll have to outwit.
In order to be a radiant instigator of beauty and truth for your allies and a cagey master of strategy
when dealing with your competitors, I recommend the paradoxical approach Jesus described:
Be as pure and harmless as a dove and as wise as a serpent.

...for the fish....

Pisces Horoscope for week of May 22, 2003

A German woman who recently died bequeathed her nephew $275,000. Trouble is,
he's a homeless man who wanders around a lot. Executors of the woman's
will have not yet been able to locate him. This resembles a situation in your own life,
Pisces. Even now, a rich source of blessings is trying to track you down and attract your attention.
So far you've been oblivious. Let's hope you wake up to the presence of the gift very soon.

I am allergic to dogma. I don't trust any idea that requires me to believe in it absolutely.
There are very few things about which I am totally certain.
The sweet stuff that quenches all of your longing is not far away in some other time and place.
It's right here and right now.
Earth is crammed with heaven. - Robert Breszny


Are you strong enough to live without answers: as a flaming inquiry into the truth?

The following passage is from an essay in praise of asking questions rather than hoarding answers.
It was written by A.H. Almaas, and is available in its entirety HERE

from "The Flame of The Search"
by A.H. Almaas

How do you know that the knowledge you get from others is the truth? How do you know that
your teachers, or even the great philosophers, have the answer that is appropriate for you?
Christ says to love your neighbor. Do you really know that that is what you need to do?
Buddha says that enlightenment is the best thing. How do you know that is what you need?

Some people say you have to learn to be yourself. It sounds good. Some people say you
should be free from your personality and develop your Essence. It sounds great.
How do you know it will resolve your situation? You don't really know whether any of these
ideas are relevant or true for you. You can't know with certainty until you have experimented
and learned from your own experience.

Until then your action is based on faith or belief If you assume unquestioningly that what someone
else says is the truth, your inner flame will be extinguished. You will believe that you have
answered questions when you haven't answered them; someone else has. And they haven't
answered them for you, but for themselves. We comfort ourselves by believing that others know,
and that we can use their knowledge. It's a very comforting thought; it encourages us to be lazy.
We comfort ourselves by saying to ourselves, "Somebody knows, and in time I'll get around to studying it.
It's already known and always available to me."

But do you, yourself, really know in your heart what is supposed to happen? Do you ever allow
yourself to question, to have a burning question--and not put out the flame quickly with the first
answer that you hear? You put out the flame so that you can
return to your sense of comfort and security.

Someone tells you that it's good to pay attention, to be aware. When you try it, it helps a little--but
you still don't know whether it's the answer. You don't know whether it will actually resolve your situation.
And if you believe you know, you're lying to yourself.

You need to keep the question alive while you investigate for yourself.


Monday, May 19, 2003


Mon May 19, 2003 by
Mysteries and enigmas drive you to distraction, but there's really very little you can do to make the situation any less frustrating. You're just going to have to accept things for what they are, because it might be a long time before you get any kind of rational explanation. Sure, you can go in search of the answers somewhere else, but there's bound to be red tape just about everywhere you turn. It might help to take a more methodical, disciplined approach, but even then nothing is guaranteed.

No, really?

Science Confirms: Politicians Lie
Mon May 19,11:06 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - After intensive research, scientists have concluded that politicians lie.

In a study described in Britain's Observer newspaper, Glen Newey, a political scientist at Britain's University of Strathclyde, concluded that lying is an important part of politics in the modern democracy.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

I smoke and I drink
and everytime I blink
I have a tiny dream

But as bad as I am
I'm proud of the fact
that I'm worse than I say

What kind of paradise am I looking for
I have everything and still I want more
Maybe some tiny, shiny key
will wash up on the shore...

- Ani DiFranco

Wednesday, May 14, 2003


I don't want to be the only one here

Telling all the secrets --

Filling up all the bowls at this party,

Taking all the laughs.

I would like you

To start putting things on the table

That can also feed the soul

The way I do.

That way

We can invite

A hell of a lot more




from Jacob Needleman's The American Soul

Our world, so we see and hear on all sides, is drowning in materialism, commercialism, consumerism. But the problem is not really there. What we ordinarily speak of as materialism is a result, not a cause. The root of materialism is a poverty of ideas about the inner and outer world. Less and less does our contemporary culture have, or even seek, commerce with great ideas, and it is that lack that is weakening the human spirit. This is the essence of materialism. Materialism is a disease of the mind starved for ideas.

Great ideas are always part of a living system of ideas, all of which are necessary for the full understanding of any one of them. When we speak of the "idea of America," we are speaking of many interconnected ethical, social, and metaphysical ideas, which all together offered hope to the world. The idea of America, with all that it contained within it about the moral law, nature, God and the human soul, once reflected to some extent the timeless, ancient wisdom that has guided human life since the dawn of history.

America was a new and original expression, in the form of a social and political experiment, of ideas that have always been part of what may be called the great web of Truth. Explicitly and implicitly, the idea of America has resonated with this ancient, timeless wisdom and has allowed something of its power to touch the heart and mind of humanity. It is necessary to recover this resonance, this relationship, however tenous and partial, between the teachings of wisdom and the idea of America.

All the rights guaranteed by the Constitution were based on a vision of human nature that calls us to be responsible -- responsible to something within ourselves that is higher than the all-too-human desires for personal gain and satisfaction; higher than the dictates of the purely theoretical or logical mind; higher than the instinctive loyalties to family and tribe.

We need to rediscover the deeper, "mythic meaning" of our nation. We need ideas; but we need ideas expressed in ways that touch our feelings of wonder and the sense of the sacred.

Many of us may think of myth as something opposed to fact, as falsehood or superstition. But in the root meaning of the word, the great myths of mankind are representations of cosmic and spiritual ideas, expressed in a way that touches the deeper springs of the mind -- the intelligence of the heart.

The mythic world does not exclude the world of concrete, everyday reality, but includes a greater awareness of the paradox of human existence...a reflection of the mystery of the two levels within human nature -- the divinity within man joined to the all-too-human. We need to reclaim our mythic symbols before they are destroyed by narrow "realism" or naïve "idealism." We need to reclaim them in a way that corresponds to what is necessary for us now in our own era.

Ideas communicated through myth show us a world that is perceived through the vision of wonder, love of truth, and the sense of the sacred, the impulse to serve and to participate in a greater reality----what we may call the inner world.These myths live in our subconscious, and we need to let them come forward and act upon us again. As it is, they are now being covered by a foolish realism that sees only "facts" of the outer world and is blind to the laws of the inner world...

Democracy in its specifically American form was created to allow men and women to seek their own higher principle within themselves. Without that inner meaning, democracy becomes, as Plato and Aristotle pointed out 2500 years ago, a celebration of superficiality.

We need to re-mythologize the idea of America.